tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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