if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
