yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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