I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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