At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
