i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
