He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
