So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
