I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
