There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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