Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
