Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
