I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
