It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
