Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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