So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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