you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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