How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
