Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
