I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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