ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
