that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
