He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
