They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
