If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
