I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
