At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
time to smoke my breakfast
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
