You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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