when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
