I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
