chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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