yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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