He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
