I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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