btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
