So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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