Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ok first of all what the fuck
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
