I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
