Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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