so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
