i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize