Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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