Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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