Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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