I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
