Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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