you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
