I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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