I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COCAINE IS GR8
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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