Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
