Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
