the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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