she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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