Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
