i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
