Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
