I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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