You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
