I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
