I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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