His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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