I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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