I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Terrible idea I love it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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