I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
