i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
