you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
