I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize