can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
