she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
